if i can run in heels then i can drive
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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