Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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