and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
