I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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