We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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