This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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