I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
