trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
