Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
