I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
