yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
