In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
