Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
