The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
