so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
