margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
