How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
