I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize