Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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