Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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