im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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