Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
