just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
