i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's never too late to be topless.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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