So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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