Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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