She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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