Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
