I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
