dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
