Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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