i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
