can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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