she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
