How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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