why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
