I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
