I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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