Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
time to smoke my breakfast
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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