Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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