omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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