I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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