I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
