I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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