The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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