He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So squirting runs in the family.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
