Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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