I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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