Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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