im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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