Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
