It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
