there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So much Jack, so little girl.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
