it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
