my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
