I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
