Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
