If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
