I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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