I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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