He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
