he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
