4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
