This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
