It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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