The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
