lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
